So there I was, hauling ass North on I-35 back _into_ the city as all the downtown slaves on my left poked along at 35 miles per hour in hopes of seeing dinner in their burbclaves by 18:30 or so. I had the radio up pretty loud, and the fingers of my left hand were doing that hand jive shit I do, playing an imaginary guitar on the steering wheel. Yeah, I was prolly doing about fifteen over the posted sixty mile per hour speed limit, but that's normal once I pass 18th street expressway and there's nowhere for Johnny Law to hang out and take pictures.I was about three maybe four car lengths behind a late model beetle, who was following some sort of pickup truck... I really wasn't paying that much attention until it's cargo went fully fucking airborne on us. It was a piece of pressed particle board, like plywood, only cheaper and not manufactured to be as sturdy. I would estimate it was maybe two foot by three foot, or perhaps three foot by four foot, but no more. It levitates for a moment above the truck bed (did I mention I don't even know what color this truck was?) and then suddenly decides to stay put while the truck continues North, oblivious to the fact that cargo is departing.
The beetle sorts jigs left/right, mere knee jerk followed by the "no I should stay put" response, and the piece of wood follows the air flow path neatly over the top of the car and Mr. beetle is in the clear. As I'm witnessing this, I was overcome with a strange sensation of absolute calm. It made absolutely no sense, considering the flat piece of wood is tumbling end over end toward me, like a scene from a Superman movie as the Phantom Void rolls out through space - but this thing is coming right at me, it's going to hit my windshield! It's either gonna smack me flat, or it's going to flip over and come IN the window and hit me. It's in this moment that I grip the wheel a little tighter with my left hand, and simply held the palm of my right hand up in the direction of the front of the car, double pumped with extreme intention and uttered a single word: no. Not "ack!" Not "Nooooo!" Just simply, "no".
In that split second that hangs in the air for what seems twenty minutes, the board is perpendicular, not horizontal as to come into or through the window... more like going to impact it flatly, wood to glass... yet as my right hand double pumps, the pressed pieces of wood chips part evenly down the middle and then shatter into what I would guess to be not less than thirty pieces... they remain airborne, but now follow the arch of airflow over and around my car, much like the beetle. Not a single scratch, no sound of anything even touching the car.
What the hell was that?
