Automatic Stress Responses

How did I get here?
Every single time I feel a piece of stress, it's an automatic response: go get a cigarette. When did I make the conscious decision that I should "punish" myself when I feel that way?

Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.

“Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.” — Thomas Jefferson

“To be or not to be; that is the question.” So speaks Hamlet in his famous soliloquy of self-doubt and reason. If you remember, he is trying to decide whether to follow his own conscience or to pretend that he does not know the truth of his father’s murder. He is torn by the desire to be honest with himself and therefore, the world, or to turn his back on that which he believes. Sometimes in our own lives, we may find ourselves in variations of this peculiar predicament. Not quite as melodramatic as Hamlet’s, yet just as real for us.

“Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom,” Thomas Jefferson wrote. This statement rings out a great truth for people everywhere in every period of the world’s history. The fight to honor truth within and without may not be an easy one, but our efforts must be directed in the line of honesty and integrity if we aim to be truly successful.

“Know thyself” is the inscription of the Delphic Oracle of ancient Greece. “Hold faithfulness and sincerity as first principles,” Confucius wrote, “When you know a thing, to hold that you know it; and when you do not, to allow that you do not know it – this is knowledge.” Lao Tzu wrote over 2,500 years ago, “He who knows others is wise,’he who knows himself is enlightened.”

These great philosophers and sages began with one truth – be honest and “all things will be added unto you.” They understood that people share the same basic drives: a need for love, for freedom and respect, and the desire to feel as if their lives have meaning. By looking within, the keys to understanding human behavior can be revealed if you are courageous enough to search your innermost heart.

But how many of us know where that heart is? How many of us have fallen into the habit of being out of touch with what we intuitively know? Often this seems to be the most true when we apply it to knowing our own feelings. The noisy hustle and bustle of the outer world can distract us so much that we have a hard time listening to that still, small voice that usually knows the truth of any situation.

In Hamlet, Shakespeare says, “This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.” Yet, not listening regularly to the intuitive voice within, we may fall out of practice. It can then become easier to be false to ourselves – and then to others without this being out intent.

Thomas Jefferson wrote as follows in a letter to one of his contemporaries: “He who permits himself to tell a lie once, finds it much easier to do it a second and third time, til at length is becomes habitual. He tells lies without attending to it, and truths without the world’s believing him. This falsehood of the tongue leads to that of the heart, and in time depraves all its good dispositions.”

Jefferson tried to be as far-sighted as possible so that a nation of honest men and women would endure. “Sometimes it is said,” he wrote, “that a man cannot be trusted with the government of himself. Can he, then, be trusted with the government of others?” A compelling thought when we extend it beyond our small personal world. But what is any nation made up of, except the entwining of many people’s small worlds? How often have we read in the newspapers of injustices in our own cities and towns, and shrugged? What can we do? How can we make a difference? Truth isn’t our jurisdiction. Or is it?

One important thing you can do is get into the practice of being honest with yourself and others at all times. When we disconnect from our feelings to avoid a scene or to appear “cool,” we often silence the voice within. We may silence truth. After a while we may no longer hear its voice. This may be one reason why there seem to be so many busy psychologists and psychiatrists in today’s world. We may be paying to learn how to reconnect to our own inner promptings.

Begin today. The following exercise can offer meaningful insights into yourself. Take a sheet of paper and divide it into two columns. On one side write down the things you like about human nature – the things you honor. You may write down qualities like tenderness, strength, humor, diplomacy, love, or hard work. Whatever comes to mind. Then, in the other column, write down those qualities that you may find offensive – the ones that may “push your buttons.” In this column you may write down anger, laziness, deception, cowardice, brutality, or jealousy.

Then take a look at both columns. In total truth, claim them both. Name the aspects of honorable character as you see them in yourself. Find where they may resonate with you. And recognize which, if any, need to be strengthened and worked on. Take the undesirable column and address these items. Recognize that you have smidgings of these characteristics in some small measure, even if they may be hidden from the sight of most people. Acknowledge them for the times when they arise. Do not deny them utterly, or they could creep up on you as the disowned enemy in yourself – sometimes coming only in the guise of the people that you draw to you, because they are denied within.

Be honest. Be true. Love all parts of yourself. You are human, and, like the rest of us, the goodhood within you – the goodness within you – is in a state of coming to magnificent expression. With honesty and free will you can claim those aspects of yourself that choose you to express in your world.

There is a part of you that can be larger than any littleness, stronger than any weakness, wiser than you may think, and more brave than any fear. There is a part of you that is of the earth – earthy, as there is also a part of you that is of the Spirit – spiritual. This is the important part of you. That which is the real of you can transform the unreal. Be honest with yourself and others. Learn to know your real self.

10 Steps to Shutting Down a Democracy

I really can't add much to what Naomi Wolf has already published. Take a look around, and see if you think she's full of shit.

From Hitler to Pinochet and beyond, history shows there are certain steps that any would-be dictator must take to destroy constitutional freedoms. And, argues Naomi Wolf, George Bush and his administration seem to be taking them all

1. Invoke a terrifying internal and external enemy [islam, war on terror, al qaeda]

2. Create a gulag [Guantánamo, CIA black sites, military tribunals, Military Commissions Act, suspension of habeas]

3. Develop a thug caste [Blackwater, security contractors who are immune from prosecution in Iraq]

4. Set up an internal surveillance system [the Patriot Act, warrantless domestic wiretapping]

5. Harass citizens' groups [conduct surveillance on environmental, anti-war, animal rights, and other activist groups]

6. Engage in arbitrary detention and release ["no-fly" list, "terrorist watch" list]

7. Target key individuals [Sibel Edmonds, Richard Clarke, Joseph Wilson, Valerie Plame, Nancy Pelosi, Howard Dean]

8. Control the press [criminal complaint against Greg Palast, attacking al Jazeera, firing on unembedded reporters in Iraq, Fox News, O'Reilly, Limbaugh]

9. Dissent equals treason [accusations against Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, the New York Times, open-ended definition of "enemy combatant"]

10. Suspend the rule of law [John Warner Defense Authorization Act of 2007, violation of the Posse Comitatus Act, possibility of the declaration of federal martial law]

The Duality of Man

Simply because my duality shines ever-so-brightly at times, and I so frequently lose track of what my shadow is doing, I'm sorta on a Jungian kick the past few days. What better source of subject matter than Stanley Kubrick's "Full Metal Jacket". One of my favorite scenes is when a Pogue Colonel accosts Private Joker for wearing a peace sign on his flak jacket.

Pogue Colonel: Marine, what is that button on your body armor?
Private Joker: A peace symbol, sir.
Pogue Colonel: Where'd you get it?
Private Joker: I don't remember, sir.
Pogue Colonel: What is that you've got written on your helmet?
Private Joker: "Born to Kill", sir.
Pogue Colonel: You write "Born to Kill" on your helmet and you wear a peace button. What's that supposed to be, some kind of sick joke?
Private Joker: No, sir.
Pogue Colonel: You'd better get your head and your ass wired together, or I will take a giant shit on you.
Private Joker: Yes, sir.
Pogue Colonel: Now answer my question or you'll be standing tall before the man.
Private Joker: I think I was trying to suggest something about the duality of man, sir.
Pogue Colonel: The what?
Private Joker: The duality of man. The Jungian thing, sir.
Pogue Colonel: Whose side are you on, son?
Private Joker: Our side, sir.
Pogue Colonel: Don't you love your country?
Private Joker: Yes, sir.
Pogue Colonel: Then how about getting with the program? Why don't you jump on the team and come on in for the big win?
Private Joker: Yes, sir.
Pogue Colonel: Son, all I've ever asked of my marines is that they obey my orders as they would the word of God. We are here to help the Vietnamese, because inside every gook there is an American trying to get out. It's a hardball world, son. We've gotta keep our heads until this peace craze blows over.
Private Joker: Aye-aye, sir.

Personally, I think Kubrick was a genius - and I don't expect a lot of arguments about it. "Full Metal Jacket" in particular is RIFE with dualistic symbolism:
"Sound off like you've got a pair!"
"Only steers and queers come from Texas..."
"One for the commandant. One for the Corps."
"This is my rifle. This is my gun."

And then there is the duality of "Left Right Left Right Left Right" ad infinitum. It's clear Pyle doesn't know his left from his right. Joker shows him how to lace his boots, "right one over the left, left one over the right..." Also Pyle has to be shown, one leg at a time, how to get over the obstacle. This is a crucial symbolic event in the film. It looks like Pyle might make it after all. He may achieve individuation similar to his doppelganger Animal Mother. "Congratulations Leonard, you did it." If only he hadn't succumbed to the allure of a jelly donut.

And the sniper is a woman! Throughout the film, women are objects of pleasure - and nothing else, in the finest traditions of the male hero cult projection. Joker plays this out in the aforementioned facades, he attempts to make the traditional John Wayne myth role his own, through his maverick sarcasm. It's quite a jolt to our intrepid Marine, when he is confronted by a culture where young women become skilled "marksman," killers in a desperate grasp for self- determination. That wasn't in the movies!

Another angle is that of the Archetypal. Joker (not unlike Dr. Bill in Eyes Wide Shut), lives in the Persona; behind a mask. Jung decried this Western narcissism repeatedly, because to him it illustrated the shallow banality of the ego. The Shadow is quite active throughout the film, Joker keeps this darker reality of humanity at bay with the mask of his Persona. But the Shadow finds its song in the beating of Pyle; Pyle's suicide; the attack on the base in the Tet Offensive; the lime-covered bodies in the pit; the death of Cowboy; and finally in the confrontation with the young woman. The feminine principle, embodied by the sniper, interplay with the Shadow. Joker has no real experience of women, his only ones are those of subjugation, "female" being reduced to a mere "sign" not only socially but psychologically. The climactic encounter can be read as a conflict between the ego and the anima, the ego (Joker) has no choice but to kill the anima (the sniper). His psyche is caught in a dilemma with no resolution. The question is, where will he go from here?

Another Disaster Averted

Yes, they're cute as hell when you're just looking at 'em, but if you drop your phone in there, well... life can get messy. (I'm talking about the toilet folks, but the kiddo is cute too.)

So I went to the Johnson County Courthouse on my traffic violation this morning, and ten minutes before the docket dropped my new AT&T Tilt PDA right in the damned toilet!

I was sure it was going to wind up dead, and then as the day progressed it looked less and less bleak. At first, it wouldn't even power on. When I reached the office, all functions had returned with the exception of the touch screen functions. Slowly over the past couple of hours the screen has begun to work properly too.

Guess who's adding insurance to his phone on the way home?

Disaster Averted...

So there I was, hauling ass North on I-35 back _into_ the city as all the downtown slaves on my left poked along at 35 miles per hour in hopes of seeing dinner in their burbclaves by 18:30 or so. I had the radio up pretty loud, and the fingers of my left hand were doing that hand jive shit I do, playing an imaginary guitar on the steering wheel. Yeah, I was prolly doing about fifteen over the posted sixty mile per hour speed limit, but that's normal once I pass 18th street expressway and there's nowhere for Johnny Law to hang out and take pictures.

I was about three maybe four car lengths behind a late model beetle, who was following some sort of pickup truck... I really wasn't paying that much attention until it's cargo went fully fucking airborne on us. It was a piece of pressed particle board, like plywood, only cheaper and not manufactured to be as sturdy. I would estimate it was maybe two foot by three foot, or perhaps three foot by four foot, but no more. It levitates for a moment above the truck bed (did I mention I don't even know what color this truck was?) and then suddenly decides to stay put while the truck continues North, oblivious to the fact that cargo is departing.

The beetle sorts jigs left/right, mere knee jerk followed by the "no I should stay put" response, and the piece of wood follows the air flow path neatly over the top of the car and Mr. beetle is in the clear. As I'm witnessing this, I was overcome with a strange sensation of absolute calm. It made absolutely no sense, considering the flat piece of wood is tumbling end over end toward me, like a scene from a Superman movie as the Phantom Void rolls out through space - but this thing is coming right at me, it's going to hit my windshield! It's either gonna smack me flat, or it's going to flip over and come IN the window and hit me. It's in this moment that I grip the wheel a little tighter with my left hand, and simply held the palm of my right hand up in the direction of the front of the car, double pumped with extreme intention and uttered a single word: no. Not "ack!" Not "Nooooo!" Just simply, "no".

In that split second that hangs in the air for what seems twenty minutes, the board is perpendicular, not horizontal as to come into or through the window... more like going to impact it flatly, wood to glass... yet as my right hand double pumps, the pressed pieces of wood chips part evenly down the middle and then shatter into what I would guess to be not less than thirty pieces... they remain airborne, but now follow the arch of airflow over and around my car, much like the beetle. Not a single scratch, no sound of anything even touching the car.

What the hell was that?

Further/New Lessons on Equilibration

Reconciliation, Orientation and Unity
By Jack Courtis
http://www.crcsite.org/Reconciliation.htm

Can we deny the transformation of our selves if we perform the 12 disciplines even at a basic level? We would be radically different people. But remember, we have only dealt with the first level of Being which we call the World of Action, the here and now. What of the next level, the World of Formation? What is required of us to continue with our self transformation? Whereas the level of Action literally requires action on our part, subjective (inner), objective (outer) and as part of a group, the next level is more difficult. The rules change. We plunge headlong into the 7 spiritual processes. Whereas with the 12 disciplines we have a measure of control in that we can choose whether to proceed or not, there is no such choice with the 7 processes. Once we begin there is no turning back. Since we are alive, we have already begun.

7 RECONCILIATIONS

The fundamental principle, is the reconciliation of the opposites. We cannot choose one opposite over another. We must experience the relationship between the two and reconcile them into a higher synthesis. This does not mean to be in the middle. For instance, the proper balance between wealth and poverty is not the mathematical average between $1,000,000 and $1, ie $500,000. There are people who are poor at $1,000,000 others who are rich at $1. Reconciling the opposites is not that simple.

Let us begin by identifying the pairs of opposites. They are literally beyond number, but tradition has given us 7 pairs that between them, cover the whole of human of experience.

SEED	DESOLATION
LIFE	DEATH
WEALTH	POVERTY
GRACE	UGLINESS
WISDOM	FOLLY
PEACE	WAR
DOMINANCE	SUBJUGATION

What does it mean to reconcile the pairs of opposites? Already we are struggling to find words to explain the concept, let alone the experience. And this is the point, it is an experience that we must have. That is why these pairs are processes that we must go through. If words fail, nevertheless tradition gives a clue to the meaning of these processes of transformation: Ecclesiastes ch 3 v 1-8.

It is still difficult to understand these processes of transformation. It would be a great help if someone who has gone before us would describe the experience. What would he say of himself if he had reconciled the opposites?

1.	I AM	the bread of life	John	6:35
2.	I AM	the light of the world	"	8:12
3.	I AM	the door of the sheepfold	"	10:7
4.	I AM	the good shepherd	"	10:11
5.	I AM	the ressurection and the life	"	11:25
6.	I AM	the way the truth and the life	"	14:6
7.	I AM	the true vine	"	15:1

"I AM" is the most powerful statement any person can make. What are the signs of a person who has experienced the processes of transformation?

1.	Turning water into wine	John	2:8
2.	Healing official's son	"	4:50
3.	Healing paralytic	"	5:g
4.	Feeding multitude	"	6:11
5.	Walking on water	"	6:19
6.	Healing the blind	"	9:7
7.	Raising Lazarus	"	11:44

If we can recognise such a person by his signs what epitomises the nature of the experience that he has? What concept better describes the process of reconciliation of the opposites, than suffering?

1.	Whipping	John	19:1-29
2.	Crown of thorns	"
3.	Humiliation	"
4.	Beating	"
5.	Carrying cross	"
6.	Crucifixion	"
7.	Vinegar	"

The clue to the process of reconciliation is that the opposites are not antagonistic. They are symbiotic. The best example of this concept is the Yin and the Yang in their ceaseless rhythmic dance as they manifest the Tao. In this relationship, the opposites bring healing and wholeness.

When we have experienced the processes of reconciling the opposites, we too can say "I AM". Only then will we be transformed on the level of Being known as the World of Formation.

3 ORIENTATIONS

If we struggle to describe the transformative experience of the 7 processes, it is almost impossible to describe the 3 Orientations. This is the fundamental principle - orientation. We must find the direction in our lives that leads to God. There are 3 directions: Love, Knowledge and Sacrifice. They all lead to God but allow for individual freedom of choice. We can choose the direction of our lives but once we begin to travel the path, we are swept along. This is the World of Creation and these are the 3 ways in which it acts. As we orient ourselves to God, we come to understand His nature and are transformed thereby.

Is this obscure? Perhaps this might help. In kabala the 3 Mother letters are attributed as follows: Alef - air/Holy Spirit; Mem - water; Shin - fire. Alef is the path from Keter to Chakhmah; Mem is the path from Gevurah to Hod; Shin is the path from Hod to Malkhut.

Is the point still difficult to understand? The clue is given in Luke 3:16 and Matthew 3:11, where John the Baptist speaks of 3 baptisms: water, Holy Spirit and fire. Jesus is baptised with water, followed immediately by the baptism of the Holy Spirit and fire. What does this mean? The 3 baptisms correspond to the 3 Mother letters and 3 paths on the Tree of Life. The baptisms are the experience of those paths. They are the experience of the 3 Orientations. What happens next? Jesus goes to the desert for 40 days (he consciously experiences each sefira of each Tree on each of the 4 Worlds of manifestation). Immediately thereafter, He faces the 3 temptations and by overcoming them, proves the power of the 3 baptisms.

We will be ready to accept the 3 baptisms and through them find the 3 Orientations, only after we have successfully negotiated the 7 pairs of opposites with the assistance of the 12 Disciplines.

UNITY

We have now come to the impossible. We cannot speak of the transformation that results from union with that aspect of God that is inadequately known as the ONE. This is the goal of the 12 Disciplines, the 7 Reconciliations and the 3 Orientations. This is the great and unspeakable mystery of the World of Emanation. We become the undifferentiated unity of Being.

Why is there a problem? God can be experienced but not comprehended. This is because comprehension is perception with the mind. To perceive, we have to be separate from the object of our perception. This means division. Physical existence is polarity. God is union, therefore not comprehensible by a polarised, divided mind. Only when polarities are reconciled, is union with God possible. Only then can we truly know. The names do not matter. What counts is the archetypal formula that is the authentic standard by which the process of self-transformation is measured, in the Western esoteric tradition:

1 : 3 : 7 :12

This is the formula that emerges from Genesis Ch 1 and which is confirmed by The Apocalypse Ch 1. Kabala resonates with alchemy because alchemy is also based on this formula. For example, if alchemy explains the Below then astrology explains the Above, because it also conforms to the formula. But what reconciles the Above and the Below? After all this is the greatest of the pairs of opposites. Only Man stands midway between the Above and the Below. Therefore only Man can effect the great reconciliation between Heaven and Earth, the Chymical Wedding. Effecting this reconciliation is what transforms us. This is our true function in the kosmos. When we have effected the great reconciliation, this is our nature:

1	Unity of our Being
3	Creative forces
7	Psychic centers
12	Astrological body functions

To know our true nature is to be transformed: as Above, so Below. Kabala is the key, the Tree of Life is the map and the number system is the compass

Ecclesiastes 3 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)

Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society

Ecclesiastes 3
A Time for Everything
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

9 What does the worker gain from his toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on men. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. 13 That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.

15 Whatever is has already been,
and what will be has been before;
and God will call the past to account.

16 And I saw something else under the sun:
In the place of judgment—wickedness was there,
in the place of justice—wickedness was there.

17 I thought in my heart,
"God will bring to judgment
both the righteous and the wicked,
for there will be a time for every activity,
a time for every deed."

18 I also thought, "As for men, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals. 19 Man's fate is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath ; man has no advantage over the animal. Everything is meaningless. 20 All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return. 21 Who knows if the spirit of man rises upward and if the spirit of the animal goes down into the earth?"

22 So I saw that there is nothing better for a man than to enjoy his work, because that is his lot. For who can bring him to see what will happen after him?

What should have been there?

I've got plenty of journals socked away... and I pull them out from time to time and flip through the ten or twelve pages of thoughts captured early on, so I can remind myself that the majority of pages look like this. They are blank - virgin paper with nothing but a few invisible fingerprints left behind by folks who browsed the bookstore shelves before I bought it.

I wish I could say I've never felt this way before in my life... wish this were a unique situation with no prior experiences to compare it to, wish the feelings were brand new. Truth is, they aren't. I've blinded myself with desire - jumped into a tunnel vision and applied blinders - poured myself, shallow as I may be, entirely too deep into something I cannot understand, no matter how many different explanations are proffered up in hopes that I may come to terms.

I feel lost - tossed about on the high seas with a broken rudder and no chart, no navigation aids, no GPS, and only a vague notion of which hemisphere I'm in. (Ah, I see the water goes down the drain counter-clock-wise... a clue?)

I've brought this on myself. I thought it was a monster but nay, (s)he only guards the entrance to that dark night of my own creation. Luke asks Yoda, "What's in there?" "Only that which you take with you", he replies. Luke just took a tool belt and a light saber... here I am dragging a steamer trunk FULL OF SHIT into the cave.

Permutations, Lies, and Thoughts of Today

I've got quite a lot on my mind today. Last night, Brooke and I watched a very well researched bit on 9/11 we received in the mail from a new on-line friend of ours. I have long rejected any belief that a pair of Boing 767's brought down the World Trade Center Towers - or that they had anything to do with Building 7 whatsoever. The examination of the evidence was nothing new to me, but the effort of the producers to ask the obvious follow up questions resonated with me a great deal. I've never seen what I consider a plausible explanation of how explosives or pre-blast demolition work could have been accomplished. Suffice it to say, I'm even more convinced now.

So here I am with several new (and some downright ancient) ideas floading around in my head. Just this very day a leading news story tells us that one of the leading government experts responsible for anthrax research committed suicide, most likely because of the tremendous pressure he's been under as the most recent focus by the FBI as the perpetrator of the antrax mailings that followed 9/11. In the public eye, and I'm relatively sure those of the FBI, his suicide ensures his guilt. Frankly, I just don't buy it. I feel Glenn Greenwald at Salon dot com provides a thoughtful, well research analysis of the issue and I can't add much to it. You can see it here.

I'm not a conspiracy loon... but I'm not an idiot either. I'm intelligent enough to know when I'm being lied to, or so I hope. One of the big problems with any discourse on conspiracy is "They", or "Them"... those nameless, faceless people we get to blame it all on. Through it all, I find that Veritas or Truth really amount to a shell game in the 21st century. I'm a minor student of relativism, but I _do_ believe in the possibility of absolute truth, just as I believe that paper autoignites at 451 derees farenheit. How we reach these truths as individuals, as a nation, as a society, and as a race are obviously very complicated.

I have long opted to ignore the NEO-CON problem in my nation. It's really easy to look around, get disgusted, and then ponder an "escape"... perhaps expatriating to another country, etc. The true problem with this comes from the presence of "Them" and "They". It's one thing to know who the President of the United States is, or his Dark Sith Lord veep... it's quite another to know who their handlers are. In crossing a line to believe in a false-flag operation carried out by American's against American's on American soil, a colder terror can present itself - the realization that if any of it is true, it's simply not realistic to expect to be able to escape or evade these truly wicked people.

It becomes in my own mind more important to recognize John Mayer's words, "It's not that we don't care, we just know that the fight ain't fair, so we keep waiting... waiting on the world to change." I make that decision within myself to try to come OFF the radar (yeah, keep blogging dude, that'll hide you) and wait. Wait for the world to change, for better or for worse. I feel it more important on that hand to be more in the now, focused on my life, what's happening in it, and what's most deserving of my focus. As I shared with my lover recently, when there is rioting in the streets, when armed insurrection darkens my door, THEN is the time to fret about it... at which time believe me, I'm armed and dangerous too ya freakin savages. (I digress...)

What has troubled me most as a man of some form of schitzophrenic faith is the devisions created by our current administation. Masterfully they have converted the largest portion of our non-thinking populace into Muslim haters. I find this fact ironic, considering most of these folks bilked into believing Muslims are evil don't know jack shit about that religion of peace. I immediately recall the words of Albert Pike in "Morals and Dogma", circa 1871, which I quote for you below.

The fires of Moloch in Syria, the harsh mutilations in the name of Astarte, Cybele, Jehovah; the barbarities of imperial Pagan Torturers; the still grosser torments which Roman-Gothic Christians in Italy and Spain heaped on their brother-men; the fiendish cruelties to which Switzerland, France, the Netherlands, England, Scotland, Ireland, America, have been witnesses, are none too powerful to warn man of the unspeakable evils which follow from mistakes and errors in the matter of religion, and especially from investing the God of Love with the cruel and vindictive passions of erring humanity, and making blood to have a sweet savor in his nostrils, and groans of agony to be delicious to his ears.

Man never had the right to usurp the unexercised prerogative of God, and condemn and punish another for his belief. Born in a Protestant land, we are of that faith. If we had opened our eyes to the light under the shadows of St. Peter's at Rome, we should have been devout Catholics; born in the Jewish quarter of Aleppo, we should have contemned Christ as an imposter; in Constantinople, we should have cried "Allah il Allah, God is great and Mahomet is his prophet!" Birth, place, and education give us our faith. Few believe in any religion because they have examined the evidences of its authenticity, and made up a formal judgment, upon weighing the testimony. Not one man in ten thousand knows anything about the proofs of his faith. We believe what we are taught; and those are most fanatical who know least of the evidences on which their creed is based. Facts and testimony are not, except in very rare instances, the ground-work of faith. It is an imperative law of God's Economy, unyielding and inflexible as Himself, that man shall accept without question the belief of those among whom he is born and reared; the faith so made a part of his nature resists all evidence to the contrary; and he will disbelieve even the evidence of his own senses, rather than yield up the religious belief which has grown up in him, flesh of his flesh and bone of his bone.

Ah yes... the Fires of Moloch. A great place to start with scriptures that forbid the Hebrew nation from actions such as to "give any of your children to devote them by fire to Moloch, and so profane the name of your God” (Leviticus 18:21). My own personal interpretation given the Jewish mind of the time remains relevant today. They weren't to sacrifice their children to Moloch, yet I reject a literal interpretation of this "Fire God". What I see, if there be such a thing as sin and our ability to commit it, is that we are RIGHT NOW sacrificing our children. Not exactly my desired point, as the second paragraph is what I really most wanted to share.

Anyway - there's more I want to share. George Washington's Farewell Address, circa 1796 has this to say about a two party system in America.

I have already intimated to you the danger of parties in the State, with particular reference to the founding of them on geographical discriminations. Let me now take a more comprehensive view, and warn you in the most solemn manner against the baneful effects of the spirit of party generally.

This spirit, unfortunately, is inseparable from our nature, having its root in the strongest passions of the human mind. It exists under different shapes in all governments, more or less stifled, controlled, or repressed; but, in those of the popular form, it is seen in its greatest rankness, and is truly their worst enemy.

The alternate domination of one faction over another, sharpened by the spirit of revenge, natural to party dissension, which in different ages and countries has perpetrated the most horrid enormities, is itself a frightful despotism. But this leads at length to a more formal and permanent despotism. The disorders and miseries which result gradually incline the minds of men to seek security and repose in the absolute power of an individual; and sooner or later the chief of some prevailing faction, more able or more fortunate than his competitors, turns this disposition to the purposes of his own elevation, on the ruins of public liberty.

Ya know, I think the old boy was onto something, even way back then. It was a warning. Why must American hindsight always be 20-Perfect while we remain absolutely blind to the future our current undertakings will bring?

Grr. I'm sure I thought I had a sublime, very deep thought and several correlations to make between several old writings like these, but I've misplaced it since I began typing. It will return to me... perhaps it's just important to me that the two thoughts enjoy some revival in the 21st century.

AT&T - I Want to Believe

OK, this is a long one. First, a very public mea culpa - it was nothing short of arrogance, stupidity, rage and stinky poo-poo on my part that left the AT&T Tilt that I purchased in February absolutely destroyed earlier this week. I flat out slammed it down on a stone table top - hard - and destroyed the LCD touch screen. There was never an excuse for my behavior, and I've been suffering lament of the highest caliber over this for multiple reasons... but I digress.

So when I purchased this phone, the option to secure some form of accidental insurance coverage simply was not available. There are several devices beyond some unpublished price point for which AT&T and their partners (Lockline, now owned by Assuriant, et al) were unwilling to extend coverage. I called AT&T a few different times today to see if anyone could help me, as replacing this out of pocket simply would not be an option for me at full price, which with AT&T is $449.99. (Heaven forbid you purchase from someone other than AT&T - unlocked they price is $759.99!!!!)

I got a whole lot of, "Gee, that's really terrible. I wish there were more I could do." After thinking it over I was ready - I had resolved myself to calling one more time, but only to have the $80.00-per-month PDA Connect package removed from my account. DING DING DING! We're lose nearly $1K from our customer, what can we do? As luck would have it, Mr. Mark Gibson took my call and thought he could help me out. His first option was going to cost me $75.00... and in the end he discovered something about it that wouldn't let it fly - a good thing, as I was NOT going to give them any more money I don't have. We talked while he multitasked my issue and a couple of others... a genuinely nice fellow.

When the smoke cleared, Mark overnighted me a new device which will arrive tomorrow. It isn't costing me one red cent! In the service notes he explained that I was denied the ability to purchase insurance and as a one-time incentive to retain me as a customer they were replacing the device with the agreement that when it arrives I will call with the ESN and other important numbers, and add the $4.95 monthly fee for insurance that they now _DO_ offer... with a $125.00 deductible if I have to make a claim.

Wow... today is my lucky day. Let's call everyone else I've had issues with - starting with the bank!